NYPD Blue

I have trouble putting myself to bed at reasonable hours at the best of times, an inability that really makes my work days stretch on and on. Imagine my irritation when, having successfully overcome my handicap last night, I was startled awake just shy of a deep sleep by the sound of popping glass.

When the second smashing sound came, I figured somebody had to be stealing a car (having clean forgot that since everybody in the neighbourhood has a car alarm that goes off hourly, smashing windows would segue instantaneously into ceaseless wailing). Went to the north window (fronting the "back yard" nestled between the buildings on our block) and saw nothing. Ran to the phone, searching for the precinct's phone number, rather fruitless considering I didn't even know what precinct I'm in. 32^nd, for future ref. Unable to phone and thinking I'd best act fast, opened my barred window to the fire escape and, stuck my head out, noticed the rear-end of a guy in a red T-shirt hanging out the bottom window of a building across the yard.

Before things went any further, sirens presaged cruisers roaring down W 138^th and finally onto W 139^th where they were needed. Climbing out onto the fire escape pulling a shirt over my head, I saw the cops start piling out of their cars. What followed was a ridiculous if not very dramatic scene.

Very quickly, about six officers appeared on the roof of the building our friend was burglarizing in such an ill-conceived manner. As they had no idea what was going on and I did, I started shouting at them: "Hey! He's down there!" "Where is he?" "Down at the very bottom in the window!" "What floor?" "Very bottom! He's wearing a red T-shirt and he's not moving, just sitting still in the window!" and so on. Officers clambered down the fire escape under my expert guidance (haha) and, reaching the bottom, proceeded to pull out all the lines they learned watching cop shows on TV. Guns at the ready, they barked golden oldies like, "Don't move or I'll blow your motherf---ing head off!", and so on.

I'm not sure if our inconsiderate glass smasher had a clear notion of what he was doing. He seems at least to have successfully picked an apartment with no one in it at the time, though it was unclear if he noticed that every ground floor window within three miles of here is barred. The coppers sure had a field day making fun of him. Not that much cleverer themselves, they couldn't for the lives of them figure out how to get their felon out of the fenced yard. Some of their more gifted counterparts set to work with a sledgehammer on the gate of the park that abuts the yard. I'm not sure if this move was calculated to rouse everyone else who wasn't already awake or simply prevent them getting any rest. In any case, the lock got the better of the exchange and the police were forced to uncuff their man and escort him up the fire escape.

That was the end of it, though they good-naturedly thanked me. I was left wondering why no one else had bothered to come outside. The commotion must have been enough to wake nearly everyone on the block, and there are a lot of us--the precinct has a population in the ballpark of 61,000 in a hair less than a square mile. All bedroom window lights stayed out, that I could see. All windows closed. Though someone did call the police, people were more inclined to stay indoors. It clearly was a situation presenting no physical danger--just a moron who forgot about the second half of breaking and entering. On the bright side, if the New York Police Department can spare about twelve officers, all told, to arrest the world's most incompetent burglar, they must be staying on top of crime. On the other hand, it's not that tough to arrest a complete idiot.

I'm behind on sleep again: that and a fellow's dignity were the only things stolen last night. Did get some amusement out of the deal, however... Just one more day in Harlem!